All of us have been
exposed to losing people we knew at a young age, whether it be a best friend, a
close relative, or just some acquaintance from middle school. Luckily, I have
yet to lose a good friend or young family member that I deeply care about. Even
though I've been exposed to plenty of people I know dying, I haven't felt
anything close to what Hazel feels after losing Gus. I have, however, seen fake
friends emerge on social media upon hearing about someone's death. The "I
miss you already, bro." and "You’ll live forever in our hearts, big
man." (Green 74) posts are all too common every time someone remotely
connected to my community of acquaintances dies. Even before reading this
novel, these types of comments upset me, because I knew most of these people
weren't genuinely sad, but rather felt the need to jump on the "Oh look
someone I knew from my third grade class that went to my 9th birthday party
just died feel bad for me" train. I get that some people may be genuinely
sad for a few minutes, maybe even for a whole day, but I remember thinking
about how furious I would be if that was my best friend and
people who didn't even like him were suddenly coming out of the woodwork and
pretending to grieve as if they were close. The way Hazel phrases it, stating
that "it infuriated me: You get all these friends just when you don’t need
friends anymore" (Green 75) pinpoints exactly how I feel in these
situations, and adds to the sadness I feel for the people who are genuinely
devastated.
In a twisted sense,
dying young is similar to getting famous. When someone gets famous, suddenly a
lot more people want to be their friend. Whether it be for the potential to get
some money, the potential to gain fame themselves, or just to be able to say
they’re friends with that famous person, people have proven that they will
flock to popularity. When Gus dies, the thoughts and remarks of people like
Hazel who actually care are “buried” (75) in the mass of “heard that Gus Waters
died after a lengthy battle with cancer. Rest in peace, buddy.” (75) messages
from pretend friends. Dead Gus suddenly becomes the coolest guy to be friends
with, and he’s not around to call people out on their false mourning. Hazel,
however, is around to see these reactions, and understandably grows
increasingly infuriated with them.
I, along with my fellow classmate Braden, get extremely irritated when I see Facebook posts or hear comments from people regarding the death of a person who they were less than interested in when they were alive. I have seen this bizarre phenomenon occur countless times, more recently in the community of Greek life. Being a member of a sorority here on campus has made me a part of a much smaller sub-community here at IU. When a death occurs in the Greek community, which has sadly been far too often, I of course feel saddened. I choose to channel this sadness however into attending a public vigil or simply telling the ones I love how important they are to me a little more often. What I don’t find myself doing is scrolling back 3 years in my photo album for a possible group photo that included the deceased who I may have met once or twice in my life and posting an emotional, public post on Facebook. I feel that is insulting to those who truly did know them. My pretending to “miss” someone I barley knew mocks the real relationships they had with people they actually knew. People only do these things so that other people reach out to them and say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” But, it’s not your loss. It is someone else’s loss, and it means a lot to them so don’t steal it for your own selfish vendetta. This attention-seeking behavior is exactly what Hazel is describing when she says, “I pictured a church packed with people who thought he liked basketball, and I want to puke” (265). Pretending you knew someone more than you actually did just because they died is disrespectful to the dead.
ReplyDeleteInteresting points, both of you. But I disagree. I don't think there's anything insulting about giving one's condolences on social media. I think it's a reasonable show of solidarity, and not entirely different from the already accepted practice of very distant relatives showing up at a loved one's funeral.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Braden that using a distant acquaintance's death as an opportunity to find some attention is bad, but I don't think that actually ever happens. I think, generally, people feel socially obligated to leave a quick note after someone's passing, and social media makes it easy to do so. That these occasionally come across as glib doesn't totally discredit the sentiment. It just shows that these people don't care as much as others. But caring just a little bit is still caring.
Nor am I completely sure that this is the point Greene is trying to make when he writes about Hazel's response to people's reaction's to Gus's death. I don't think her anger is meant to be seen as a righteous one. I think it's supposed to show the amazing toll that Gus's death took on her. Who, under incredible grief and stress, doesn't occasionally lash out? Hazel is young and emotional. Her feelings aren't always meant to be understood at face value. She's angry at Gus's acquaintances, but that doesn't mean Greene is too, nor does it mean we as the audience are intended to completely empathize with Hazel's bitterness. Her grief is too ugly for that. In a way, I think that's what Gus means when in his final note he writes, "I left my scar". He'll be remembered, but his memory will also wound.